What advice to give newlyweds?

Posted by Devin Miller on

Marriage is an exciting event! We dream of our futures alongside our sweethearts and imagine limitless bliss. While marriage is wonderful, it has its moments that miss the happily-ever-after mark by miles. I imagine no one wants to discourage others from marriage by how they speak about their own experiences. If that is the case then, when we do talk about the realities of this union ordained by God, let us have a gentle tongue.

President Hinckley gave a beautiful message to a group of saints in the Salt Lake Tabernacle in 1996. He quoted Mr. Jenkins Lloyd Jones who said, “[The fact is] most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. …

“Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.” 1

What if we all were given a pass to go to Disneyland every day for a year? The first week might be incredible, fun, exciting, and everything we hoped for. We wouldn’t mind the lines to get onto the best rides or into the most amazing shows. By the third week, I would guess we would be ready to stay home, not wanting to stand in line anymore waiting for something we had already experienced thoroughly.

While the excitement does wear off in marriage also, love can grow and build on itself through the mundane. I am grateful and so blessed to have a husband who shares my sense of humor. I love the silly moments where we laugh about goofy things. It isn’t exciting or ultra-romantic but it helps me feel closer to him and I cherish those happy moments. I love to watch how he plays and jokes with our children. These moments fill my heart, making up for the stress over finances, car issues, plumbing leaks, teenage attitude and endless dishes and laundry.

I suggest that as your marriage grows, be sure to connect every day in a way where you grow closer together. Make one another a priority.

Know that bad moods happen. It is alright to tell your sweetheart that you are struggling and need a little distance or extra patience, just try not to make a habit of those bad moods.

If your sweetheart is struggling, find a way to let them know how you support, love and encourage them. It could be a note, a message on the mirror, a favorite dessert, a foot massage, doing a chore so they can sit down and relax. The possibilities go on and on.

Lastly, always, always, always put God first in your relationship. You need to seek Him in prayer and scripture, pray that you can be the calm when storms arise. Pray for a tender heart to observe and help when needed. Recognize your own shortcomings and ask the Lord to help you be patient when the dirty socks are left around the living room or the make-up products are all over the counter. With a heart dedicated to the Lord, you and your sweetheart can continue to progress with hearts knit together in unity and with the blessing of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) namely “lovejoypeacelongsufferinggentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance” in your home. The more effort you put into kindness, understanding, and patience, the more you will enjoy the ride!

1. “A Conversation with Single Adults,” President Gordon B. Hinckley, March 1997 Ensign, adapted from a talk given in September of 1996

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