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How to fight with your spouse and remain friends

 

 

In my eyes, loving someone means that first and foremost you are their friend. 

While my husband and I sometimes fight we never stop being friends. 

Leanne Glentworth (Drizzly British south coast)

Recent convert 

Adorable puppy

Often wonders how her life would be improved if she had attended magic school.

My Parents

I could tell you all the wonderfully lovely ways to never argue, how to communicate only in delicate whispers and spend your evenings skipping through flowery meadows, but I won't because we all know that marriage rarely works like that. Instead, I’ll tell you that my parents rarely fought when I was growing up. I’ll tell you that my father sat beside my mother through all her pain and suffering she went through until her final breath, with nothing but love and devotion. 

I’ll tell you that they were best friends, the greatest examples of both marriage and friendship that I have ever been witness to. Though they argued, probably more than I was privy to, they never once disrespected each other. They continue to be friends even when their marriage was difficult by staying polite, respectful, and kind.

In my eyes, loving someone means that first and foremost you are their friend.  While my husband and I sometimes fight we never stop bring friends. Why is it that just because my husband and I disagree on something, we should  go from loving and caring for each other to not wanting to talk to each other. How is it that we can still be friends even when we disagree so that we are still talking to each other at the end of an argument? 

While there are still times that I walk away from an argument not talking to my husband, here are a few things that have helped me to stay friends with my husband when we disagree on something:

Continue to go above and beyond for your spouse in the small ways that make them smile. 

Take a moment to step back and pray before a discussion gets out of hand

Consider together if this issue is worth arguing about. Dinner is never worth fighting about.

Step away. Essentially ‘check yourself before you wreck yourself’

Turn to the scriptures, keep emergency quotes around the house to remind you of what’s important. 

Those are just a few of my ideas. In my eyes, loving someone means that first and foremost you are their friend  I don’t know of many instances when it is possible to love someone, truly love them, without liking them and wanting to make them happy. In fact, True To The Faith includes friendship in it's very first sentence about achieving a happy marriage ‘remember that the friendship and love between you and your spouse should be your most cherished earthly relationship’

I asked my husband how he thought you could stay friends with your wife when you’re fighting, he simply laughed and gave a simple yet insightful answer, “that is just what we do.” We fought yesterday, yet when we bad finished bickering he gave me a bag of red liquorice that I'd mentioned craving the day before. He bad been mad at me all day yet had still gone out of his way to make me happy. We were fighting, but still friends. 

That is what makes the difference. When we share as many bonds as a married couple, even during disagreements, we still should want to respect and honour our spouse. Not doing so is what will turn our best friend into our enemy. Not doing so is what will allow the adversary a foothold in our marriage. He will encourage us to use that word we know will hurt them and to turn this quarrel into a battle. He will even have us think we must win, when in fact nobody wins in marital arguments.

Take their feelings into account, treat them to things they like, make an extra effort to make them smile even when you’re mad at them...especially when you’re mad at them. There is no better time to be your spouse’s best friend than when you’re fighting. 

In the first sentence of True To The Faith it counsels us that for a happy marriage ‘remember that the friendship and love between you and your spouse should be your most cherished earthly relationship’. Being their friend doesn’t mean that you’ve forgotten your argument and it doesn’t mean that you’re giving up, it means that you love them enough to continue caring about them.

Couples Fight,

they argue and they get angry. They hurt feelings and they make up. So how do you live realistically, arguments and all, and still be friends? Well, you love each other, it’s really that simple.

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