When you get married, you do not just marry the person, you marry the family.
You did not grow up with these people, they did not attend your little league games, stay up with you when you were sick, or comfort you when a bully was mean to you. Yet, you are expected to instantly become part of their family, to participate in family vacations, family dinners, kids’ birthday parties, and so on.
Devin Miller (Mountain Green, Utah)
Father and Husband
Loves BYU
Outdoor enthusiast
I fell in love
with my wife when we were home from school over the summer. When we both went back to BYU in the fall we continued to date. I came to the point where I could not picture my life without her.
We dated for a period of time and then on December 23, 2006, I asked her the big question, “Will you marry me?” My future wife shook her head and said, “You asked the wrong question. It is not will you marry me. It is will your family marry me?”
Okay, so my wife did not really tell me I asked the wrong question. As I knelt down in the snow surrounded by Christmas lights, she excited said yes. We have been happily married now for 10 years.
But, what if she had told me I asked the wrong question? What if I asked her will your family marry me? Would I have still asked the question? Would her answer have been different?
When you get married, you do not just marry the person, you marry the family. Now, I married a great wife and have great in-laws. They have treated me like part of the family and we have a great relationship, but as with any relationship, it is not perfect.
A relationship with your in-laws requires work just like a marriage requires work. You become part of a family overnight. You did not grow up with these people, they did not attend your little league games, stay up with you when you were sick, or comfort you when a bully was mean to you. Yet, you are expected to instantly become part of their family, to participate in family vacations, family dinners, kids’ birthday parties, and so on. Establishing such a relationship takes time and effort. To help you build a strong relationship with your in-laws, here are a few scriptures to help:
Cling to your in-laws as you cling to your own family:
And they lifted up their voice, and wept again: and Orpah kissed her mother in law; but Ruth clave unto her. - Ruth 1:14
You may end up living by your in-laws:
All that thou hast done unto thy mother in law since the death of thine husband: and how thou hast left thy father and thy mother, and the land of thy nativity, and art come unto a people which thou knewest not heretofore. - Ruth 2:11
Call upon the Savior for your in-laws:
But Simon's wife's mother lay sick of a fever, and anon they tell him of her. - Mark 1:30
And he arose out of the synagogue, and entered into Simon's house. And Simon's wife's mother was taken with a great fever; and they besought him for her. - Luke 4:38
Everybody fights with their in-laws:
For the son dishonoureth the father, the daughter riseth up against her mother, the daughter in law against her mother in law; a man's enemies are the men of his own house. - Micah 7:6
The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. - Luke 12:53
As we learn from the scriptures, no relationship is perfect. There will be disagreements and fights. You will have different points of views. However, you should also care for your in-laws. When they are troubled or sick, call on the Savior in their behalf. If you do so, when you “marry” your spouse’s family, you will be prepared for an eternal relationship with them.
